Monday, October 20, 2008

in which besτ-1aid p1ans ..

sometimes you just can't win.

this morning i woke up at 7-something to finish writing my lecture. by the time i reached the last page, it was a half-hour before class and the next bus would arrive too late into campus. so i half-ran, half-walked down fifth avenue to make it to class on time.

in the end, i never got to the part of the lecture that i took pains to write. everything else in the lesson took too long. so i lost an hour's sleep .. for nothing.

sometimes we get angry, and there is no one to blame but yourself. sometimes we get so angry that we cannot concentrate on research during those precious hours of the day when you can escape, not be a teacher for a few hours, and work out those ideas that mean much to you.

i can't do research when i'm angry.

later in the afternoon lecture i found places to skip a few details here and there -- the sorts of routine things that if the students were paying attention, they could finish on their own. it was a smoother lecture -- the afternoon lessons always are -- but i collected only four extra moments, despite these skips.

not enough time to discuss the last topic, i half-thought, half-sighed. so despite moving quickly through 46 minutes, i gave up, announced a change in the exam material, and finished early for the day.

the students were delighted, i think. they're within their rights to be.

as for myself, i'm not angry. then again, i'm not terribly happy with myself. i don't know why it bothers me so much, when i don't teach well. it just does.

at any rate, there is still research to do ..

1 comment:

Leonid said...

Look at the bright side: running out of time simply means that you already have prepared a part of next lecture.