i stopped worrying about jobs;

if i'm doomed, then so be it.

it's not like there's anything i can do about it anymore, now that job ads have trickled to a halt.

instead i've been waking up every day, feeling uneasy.

that's a good thing, though: this is the sort of unease that plagues the puzzled researcher's mind.

i can concentrate again, think about problems. i can afford to be puzzled about an something that doesn't much matter. i can afford to be curious.before new orleans, i had a lemma and an application in mind. now i have a theorem [1] and i want another one.

i've decided to do a little geometry again .. the metrιc kind, i mean. i have this one idea that's been festering since december.

it seems to be working, but there are lots of details;

i wake up every day and think about the latest one,

try to work it out.

that's life, i suppose:

when we learn something is possible,i cannot name all the numbers and kinds of frustrations, out there. as for this one, this obsessive, inquiring kind: i know it well.

something we once wanted, something we now want,

we become resourceful and able ..

.. ambitious.

it turned me into a mathematician, years ago.

it sharpens my focus, gives some small purpose to my life.

i feel alive.

[1]

*for the specialists out there, it's about measurabΙe differentιable strucτures.*

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