there are two reasons:
- some talks make no sense -- i don't have the right background to appreciate them -- and i'd rather do something else.
it might as well be work; - some talks are wonderful. then i realise that i should work harder, prove better things. then i wish i could use the time to work, instead.
on the other hand, when i am home i wish i were away,
visiting colleagues, possibly sharing ideas,
meeting new people and learning new things ..
.. then again, being away doesn't guarantee any of that. i've been in spain for two weeks, i haven't had any good ideas or questions, and subsequently i've been mostly silent.
i feel tired. it's not easy being a stranger in a strange land, day after day. sometimes it is easier to be frustrated at things that you know, rather than be uncertain about things of which you are ignorant.
in the end, i suppose that i am an american, after all.
this and next weekend i'll be indisposed, attending weddings. a friend is visiting town, in between. so i suppose that i can be resigned to being neither away or working.
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