Monday, January 13, 2014

what i didn't.

i don't know what happened.
tomorrow is my first day of teaching for the spring semester;
today i spent 8 hours in the office, i was busy all day ..

.. and yet i still haven't written out my lecture notes!
oh well: my classes meet in the afternoon, so i guess i'll write them tomorrow morning.

it's been a while since i've last posted in this blog. i thought i'd spend the winter break making sense of my life and all that's happened, this past fall ..

.. what with this new position at a new university and all ..

.. but things still don't make sense. most days of the week i'm making it up as i go along, just trying .. trying my best to get it all done and stay sane at the same time.

there never seems enough time to do it all: teaching, research, faculty meetings and advising and so on. more precisely, there is never enough time in the sizes and shapes that i want them [1].

if i could identify a change in my life, then i'd say that time now comes in fractured form.

so i shouldn't talk about what i did during winter break [2]. it would be more appropriate to say what i didn't do.
i didn't go to the office,
i didn't answer any student emails that i didn't have to answer.

i didn't make sense of my life,
i didn't travel out of town,
i didn't make any new goals.

for the most part, i didn't want to do anything.
i wanted to, i tried to write up notes for a research idea. there ended up being a flaw in the argument and so i thought, off-&-on about the problem ..

.. but not so deeply as to make it too much like work;
i think i got somewhere with it.

this past week i realised that, starting tomorrow, i will have to start doing things for a while: commitments, duties, promises ..

it's starting again. whether it makes sense or not, this new job and life, there are things to do, again.

[1] if you spend enough time staring at weekly schedules, such as the default format for gοogle calendar, then time stops feeling 1-dimensional and linear. instead, it becomes more and more like a very weird tetris game in 2-D, fitting commitments into rapidly dwindling empty spaces.

[2] today was also the first day of spring classes, so quite a few colleagues asked me that question anyway.

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