Tuesday, April 20, 2010

back .. to some kind of normal.

today's been a quiet day. in the early afternoon i had two student appointments, but most of the day was peaceful. i spent it writing.

after this proof, there should be an introduction left .. yes, "should." we all know how slippery that word can be, but i think i mean it, this time.

today's also been a tiring day. this morning i woke up, aching and coughing. as the day went on, my throat became sorer and sorer. drinking tea helps a little, drinking coffee makes it worse.

i don't feel so good.

i guess the traveling and hurry had to catch up to me: three trips in four weekends. for now i'm staying put, which is a relief. maybe i'll get enough done, get bored enough so the next series of trips will be an opposite sort of relief.

one of my students asked me for advice today about how to stay focused and on task, when there are so many amazing, interesting ideas to chase after.

i suggested a few things, but the truth is that i don't know. it's a skill that i never deliberately learned. even if i did learn it, it was by accident and i didn't realise it.

i think i just happened to "survive" until now:

somehow i managed my undergrad without collapsing,
somehow i survived a ph.d.,
convinced someone to give me a job,

somehow i wake up and remember to write lectures,
show up on time, six times a week,
sometimes more often than that,
if i was naive enough to have made promises.

the semester's almost over. the end is in sight. in another week and a half, i don't have to be responsible anymore .. responsible for others, at any rate.

right now i feel unwell.
i can't sleep, but i'd like to.
even if i could, i shouldn't.

i still have two more review lectures to write for tomorrow.

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