this crackpottery [1] must end. if it doesn't, i might become obsessive and brooding and moody, and that serves no one.
i'm beginning to think that the tukia-sullivan tiling technique is simply incompatible with the notion of (weak) second derivatives, and to solve the problem, one needs an entirely new technique.
maybe i should pull the plug on this last thesis problem, and let it die. i've already been given this metric co-tangent theory on my plate, and maybe i should start thinking about what can be done there, and what might make a good thesis.
i hate giving up.
i've given up on too many things over these few years, whether they be research problems or not, and i don't see it ever reducing in number. what hope does it give, when all the things i've set out to accomplish have resulted in failure?
some people have told me that even good, even great mathematicians can't solve all problems they want, and that's true. i don't expect to be great or good or even mediocre, but what does that say about us?
that we settle for less, and dare not dream of mountains higher than those we've seen before and scaled? that we stop hoping for lofty heights and enslave ourselves in heavy chains, for our own protection against setback and failure?
what is the point, then, of ever attempting anything?
f*ck. i hate it when i argue my way into something intractable, mathematical or philosophical. this is exactly what i mean by becoming "brooding and moody."
education and knowledge have not made my life any better, but then again, was there any reason to expect them to do so?
[1] as you might guess, yes: 'crackpottery' is the state or quality of being a crackpot, and no: it's notin the dictionary. like the word 'carefreedom,' i think i made it up.
No comments:
Post a Comment