Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Fall Term Life.

Teaching is taking more time than I had thought.

Students actually show up during my office hours, and yesterday when I had no office hours, I was barraged with questions about Team Homework [1] after class. Some of them even followed me to my office, and so did the questions.

Thinking about it, if not for the quiz I administered, the same thing could have happened today. The results aren't going to be terribly pretty, I fear.



There's nothing like a steady job to make you long for those uninterrupted workdays during the summer. Never mind the fact that I barely accomplished anything ..

(proved a few computational lemmas, but hardly anything to shout at)

.. but to be honest, I was living under an illusion: that when fall came, life would be better. I'd become a more responsible person, manage my time more effectively, and it would be more likely that I'd accomplish my daily and weekly goals.

Oddly enough, almost all of those came true ..
.. except the "life would be better" part.

I'm accomplishing much, but it leaves me drained and I crash at 1 am on most nights, if not before. Mathematics doesn't get me eager and excited, as before. I get my work done, but just barely: there seem like so many little things I should be doing for research and thesis work that it's hard enough just to get started .. and at some point, I need to remember to talk with my advisor about a syllabus for my Prelim Exam, which would hopefully happen this December.

Thinking about it now, I'm not sure what "better" means, or should mean. I envisioned myself happy, but let's face it: that's never going to happen. I'm too good at being pessimistic to leave things well enough alone.

Maybe it's enough to be productive and have work to do, and in that way, have a purpose. Those younger days of summer were bits of fun, but they were also empty and unfulfilled .. and a bit lonely, since everyone would be leaving at different times for home or for conferences.

It could be worse. At least I don't have written homework anymore. \:



[1] Over here we do have cooperative mathematics assignments for PreCalc, Calc I, and Calc II; they're much like lab reports and often involve word problems and a fair bit of frustration -- for the students AND the instructors ..

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