Wednesday, April 13, 2005

surprisingly calm and collected

Currently I'm stuck on a problem, which is in fact an exercise from a book. Provided that it is a good book (which this one is) then exercises from the text do serve a purpose: solving them, your mind raises issues that it wouldn't have otherwise pondered or considered.

As of late I believe that I'm terribly single-minded by nature. It is hard enough for me to read and follow an argument, let alone keep in mind these subtleties and concerns. I suppose, then, that exercises are good for me; they keep my skills of comprehension sharp, and if they are dull then they sharpen them.

But this can be the very worst situation of all: to be stuck on such an exercise. I know very well that there is a solution, and in this particular case it is likely something that is very easily understood after you see it, and just as likely I will curse myself for not having seen it sooner.

As you can imagine, this happens far too often for my liking. \:

I'll admit that I'm frustrated, but it's far from the worst bouts of frustration that I've encountered. I'm handling this one reasonably well, in that I'm not taking it personally. I know I'm not an idiot for not knowing how to solve one exercise, though I do feel like one.

If only because of this, I'll say that it's not a total loss and that I'm learning something. Odd, though: usually I'm more temperamental than this, so strange as it seems, I remain wary of my own motives on the matter.

What's really going on here?

Looking into the forthcoming months, the answer becomes clear. It's a matter of sanity. I'm pacing myself.

This isn't going to be the last exercise for a while. There are more and likely many more: I'm only on Chapter 2 of 15. If I start upsetting myself and lashing out in anger and hate, then (1) I might as well prepare myself for a coronary by summer's end, and (2) become a Lord of the Sith and start killing all those goody-two-shoes Jedi in their stupid tan robes and their oh look at me 'cause I'm so calm and centered routine ..

[remembers that this is real life]

Er .. let's just consider that first possibility, then. (:

There's a long road ahead, and I've still remember my lessons .. if only from my days of distance running. If anything a journey, however long, is simply a matter of patience and pace.

Let's hope I remember that in the months to come.

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