waiting for the story to unfold.

i've never written a novel. i don't think i ever will.

when i dabbled in creative writing, i would write short stories and little poems, but i never dared to write a novel. it's an issue of scope, and this issue follows my mathematical writing, even now.

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the thesis is written. up to the corrections of my committee, it's done.

as for the defense talk, it's still in the works. i've written a few things down already, but i don't have a sense of the whole thing yet. it's a bad habit of mine, but it persists:

if i can't see the whole thing, then i can't write out a draft. [1]

i liken this to writing a rock-&-roll song:

if i don't have a good feeling for the rhythm and the beat, then it feels pointless to me to write down the lyrics ..

.. er. not that i write music. put another way:

even if you know how a good joke starts,
even if you remember the punchline,
it still doesn't mean that you are ready to tell it;

you have to get the middle part right.

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it will work out. maybe i'll "see" it and write a draft tonight. admittedly, i'm curious what it will look like.

[1] writing the thesis was no different than writing a short story, and likely the talk will be no different. at any rate, this is why:

i wrote one chapter first, the main result,
then i realised that it led to another chapter.
for that first written chapter to make sense,
it took a few other chapters to explain.

put one way: it doesn't feel like i wrote a thesis. it just happened.

i wrote one chapter, kin to a short story,
then i wrote a sequel,
and then i wrote six prequels.