spring fever, work and distractions.

lately it's been difficult to concentrate on work. i blame it on spring fever:

the warm, feel-good weather,
the hurried exodus of the undergrads,

the end of winter term and classes and seminars,
or any of our "regularly-scheduled programming."

i have always found it difficult to maintain a schedule, especially when the constraints are within your control.

if i must be in class at 2pm, if that is truly an immutable commitment, then i can plan appropriately: i will wake up at 8:30am and start work straightaway at 9. it will be diligent work, because i know i'd rather not deal with the afternoon lassitudes of office life.

i will even remember to eat lunch, because i know i do not want to be hungry in midst of class; my longhand notes would suffer, otherwise.

as the saying goes, the constraints make the problem. if anything, it's what i tell my calc i students when they have to solve basic optimization problems. q:

but being too flexible is problematic, because no single decision matters so much more than another.

if i wake at 10am but am free to work the same number of hours and arrange my dayspan until 2am, then why should i wake at 8am?

if i have nothing planned all afternoon and if there is only work to do, then when should i focus my mind and work hard? it ends up that while working, i might write a little, then look past the window to empty sidewalks, and then think of whether this is the best use of my time.

i think of whether i enjoy doing something else, whether i should have taken a holiday so that i could settle this insidious inclination of being distracted; then, having enjoyed myself, i can settle contentedly to work.

like many other mathematicians, i am terrible at making decisions which don't matter.

---

earlier today i received some spam email from southwest airlines, and their featured destination today is virginia beach.

i sat and reread the email a few times, speculating.
i imagined warm sun and hot sand.
then i imagined small groups of others: a few families, groups of friends,

and i imagined myself alone,
not knowing what to do with myself, despite being on holiday.

then i sighed, i logged out of my email account ..

.. but i haven't deleted that email yet:
the futility of hope, you could say.