now: cards on the table.

two weeks ago, i thought about those people who have multiple jοb offers, and these were thoughts of disdain:

come on, guys: share the wealth!
some of us need jοbs too!

shortly afterwards, i became one of those people. these are not easy decisions, i realize this now. after ten days of thinking about it, i met the deadline and i made a decision.

i know several people who haven't heard anything and it's a guilty feeling to have more than what you need. it's kin to being on fellowship when other people have to teach, or having a paper accepted when others are just trying to come up with ideas.

so it's time for other people to have a chance. i've made my peace and it will last three years, and i think i'll be happy about it. sure, i might kick myself if a fantastic school asks me if i'm interested in their Nth round of offers, but that's something i can tolerate.

i can live with a little what-if, because i think i'll be happy with what i have. i guess that's all that matters, in the end.

(as always, ask if you want to know where i decided to go.)

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what i didn't expect was how hard it was to refuse an offer. almost all of the departments which were receptive to me were probably so because i knew someone in the department who was arguing on my behalf.

turning down those offers was like turning down that colleague, who in most cases is a good acquaintance, even a friend.

i read an article once which claimed that on average, it is much harder to fire someone than to be fired. i think i can appreciate that, and sympathise.

but it's over now. i feel a little like the last scene in Kill Bill: Vol. 2, where uma thurman is lying on the bathroom floor, emotionally in pieces.