the futility of it all.

i have this suspicion that my thesis is trivial or more accurately, that it might be redundant.

i've said before that if three [1] particular mathematicians sat down to dinner, one night in 2000, they could have surmised what i proved over the last year.

i'm sure of it now.

in fact, the coincidence could have been more likely. you would have needed only two particular mathematicians, and a coffee session would have been long enough.

sometimes i don't know why i bother with mathematics.

other people can do research more effectively and with more elegant ideas than mine. my ideas feel clumsy and i feel foolish and slow and unpurposeful.

i don't know why i try, anymore. maybe i should look for something else to do.

[1] maybe five. it depends on how you make the count, which is tricky. i once thought you needed seven.